Author: Metric Jenn
May I tell you all a story? It’s a classic "That's Jenn!". One with which I’m sure all of you can relate. It was a lovely late-summer day, and I had just finished spending over $200 and the afternoon at the spa getting a facial and a massage. I was squeaky clean and loose as a goose. My skin was glowing. GLOWING.
Anyhow, a couple of days pass, and I realize that I’m out of daytime moisturizer. I head over to the drug store and peruse the aisle for my usual Aveeno Clear Complexion Daily Moisturizer with salycylic acid and total soy complex for clear, even looking skin. To my utter dismay, they were out of it. And rather than head to the next drug store, I just grabbed the EXACT same lotion, but with SPF 30 in it.
What could possibly go wrong? I was using my preferred lotion, but now I was being a responsible adult and protecting against skin cancer!
This lotion boasts many advantages - oil-free, hypoallergenic, fragrance-free, non-comedogenic (doesn’t block pores)...PLUS SPF?! ‘Finally, I am entering adulthood’, I thought. ‘Look at me being a productive member of society with responsible skin-care habits’. There was an aura of smugness surrounding that purchase, which should have been my first warning.
Yes, DOOM was to follow that purchase. I headed home with my head held high, positive that my skin would thank me for being so prudent. The next morning, as a part of my regular work-prep routine, I applied a small amount of lotion, did my eye make-up, applied lip gloss and high-tailed it out the door. I should mention here that I *rarely* put on foundation or cover-up...that’s more of a special-going-out thing for me. So this lotion was the only thing on my skin.
Now on to the results; the part that everyone is clamoring for. This product was just TERRIBLE. I got home that day with clogged pores which resulted in blackheads on my chin and 6 zits - one on the tip of my nose. I had clogged pores on my cheeks and along my jawline, as well as dried out, flakey patches on the sides of my nose. Having been through the awkward adolescent stage over 20 years ago, I have NO desire to revisit that phase. This lotion destroyed my skin. Absolutely destroyed it.
I would have been better off using syphoned-off McDonald’s french fry grease or perhaps just dunking my head in a vat of whale barf.
It’s been 2 weeks since that fateful day, and my skin is FINALLY back to normal. I cannot say how utterly disappointed and annoyed I was with this entire ordeal. This product gets ZERO tentacles. NONE. The damage it did to my skin, coupled with the higher price, the length of time it took for my skin to recover and that I actually had to explain to friends and family that I, in fact, did not have leprosy, makes this the WORST PRODUCT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.
Rating: 0/8 tentacles